Blooper of the Day

A brilliant mistake from Andrew Tween's biography in the Midnight Tango programme:

“He has composted music for the BBC.”

If it's decaying ditties you're after, Andrew's your man(ure).

Blooper of the Day

Spotted this in an interview for the latest York Theatre Royal programme:

“When I was about 11 I played the Angle Gabriel at a local church…”

I bet she was acute angle.

Irritable Vowel Syndrome

A case of Salford City Council suffering from a case of verbal diarrhoea.

Panto Lines

Comment of the day comes from Donovan Christian-Cary's biography, which appears in the Princes Hall's programme for Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs:

"His ambitions include world domination and to be as thin as a piece of liquorice."

Away in a Manger

Hurray! My first 'manger' of the panto season in Devonshire Park's Jack and the Beanstalk programme:

"Assistant Stage Manger: Christine Hollinshead".

Curry in Favour

I love this story, and not just because it was a victory for the underdog against a notoriously litigious global corporation.

I love the fact that the owners won after claiming that the ‘Mc’ prefix of their name stood for ‘Malaysian Chicken’, despite the letter ‘c’ being lower case, and despite the fact that the typeface of the McCurry logo manages to resemble not just one but two famous high street logos.

Breaking news: I hear another well-known fast food chain has lost its lawsuit against an Israeli branch of Bagel King, which is famous for its Whopping bagel.

Actually, that’s not true, but wouldn’t it be great if it was?

Acid Attack

One of my bugbears is journalists who use the simile ‘on acid’ in their articles. It’s normally used in cultural reviews to describe a particularly ‘far out’ performer or piece of art, even though it's now considered both inaccurate and clichéd.

Such lazy journalism was skewered brilliantly by comedians Stewart Lee and Richard Herring in their series This Morning With Richard Not Judy, in a scene that purported to simulate the scene of veteran comedian Norman Wisdom ‘on acid’. This was in response to an Evening Standard reporter who had used (or quoted, the reporter later claimed) the phrase to describe the physical comedy stylings of Lee Evans. But instead of a slapstick, energetic, bug-eyed dynamo, the resultant scene saw an ill, confused old man wandering slowly around a room.

Just as bad as ‘on acid’ is ‘like so-and-so and so-and-so in a blender’ or ‘like such-and-such and such-and-such in a lift'. I’m not saying that there’s no room for similes in creative journalism any more; I’m just saying let’s create some new ones. Here’s some of my suggestions:

Like Stephen Hawkings on sugar-free Red Bull
Like Kerry Katona on chicken drumsticks
Like Brian Blessed on a noise abatement order
Like Michael Barrymore on television
Like Jennifer Lopez on the rebound
Like Peter Andre on fire
Like Rocket From the Crypt on a rope
Like Yoko Ono on a yoke.